Drama

We had a terrible therapy session tonight. All of Mickey's buttons were pushed by Ellie, again. Ellie went to school a few weeks ago and told someone that Mickey hit her in the head. The therapist called to find out if it was true. Of course it wasn't, and we were believed. This is the first time that she has claimed abuse, but honestly we have just been waiting for it to happen. I have said for years that I need to have paperwork together for the day CPS shows up at our door. She used to have such screaming fits that we would go outside on the porch so the neighbors wouldn't think we were beating her to death. The new AT was great tonight and said that we could give anyone his phone number and he would confirm that she lies and is in treatment. He said that he has dealt with this issue before, and it is always dropped.

Tonight in therapy Ellie told us that she was taken to the principal's office and she told her that Mommy had hit her in the head. Mickey used to work at this school, and she has seen people lose their jobs because of unfounded accusations. Her greatest fear is that, as the only bread winner in the family she will be investagated and lose her job at her current school. Unfortunately she has also said this in front of Ellie and Matt. Now I'm worried because her knowing is just like giving her a loaded gun----yikes!!

This kid is so complicated. She has never gone a day in her life without crying. It is almost never real, but incredibly annoying. As long as nothing is asked or expected of her she is great. The minute she needs to take responsibility, everything becomes a battle. She is the queen of passive-aggressive behaviors. She will complete half a task and swear she did it all. She will even list the steps that she did them. The rules in our house have not changed in 5 years, yet she 'forgets'. She will take an hour to do her homework incorrectly that she can do in 10 minutes correctly. She is manipulating the Aides in her classroom (she can't get over on her teacher) AND her teacher is out all week. Whenever she comes home with a perfect pointsheet, instead of feeling proud, I wonder who she got over on.

In some ways I am still mourning that we have not gotten further after 6 1/2 years. I really want to enjoy my daughter! We are finally really enjoying Matt, he has healed so much. He gives hugs when he gets up in the morning, when he gets home from school, and just because. He now spontaneously appologizes for his behavior, even when he has not had a consequence. He thanks us for simple things. He is asking to spend time with us appropriately.

We totally can not parent Ellie the same way we parent Matt. We have been doing a lot of feeling work with both of them. We sort of hijacked the format for J.'s blog and are having them journal every night. Matt hates it but has been a trooper about being honest. Ellie not so much. We are trying so hard to do the right things for her, but she is fighting us tooth and nail. She came home to me 5 days before her 2nd birthday. It still baffles my mind that she can still be so screwed up. She has never missed a meal in 6 1/2 years, yet still believes that she will not eat again. She desperately wants to be a baby, and have no responsibility. She was a baby when I got her. I changed her diapers, bathed her, put a bib on her and fed her chopped food. I gave her a bottle every night as she fell asleep on my chest. I toilet trained her (that was a trip!). For a year and a half after she was toilet trained I still wiped her little hynie. For the last few years she has refused to use toilet paper. Finally, a month ago she got an UTI, it was only a matter of time. We talked about natural consequences, the Peditrician talked to her about natural consequences. Guess who still refuses to wipe herself or flush the toilet? I know, I know never care more about your child's issues more than she does, but I am still a parent (plus I have to soak those nasty panties). We tried to have her do the panties, but honestly it is a royal pain to have her do it.

Okay, I hear you talking to me, unless it is that damn voice in my head again... I'll have her soak the panties. Really that is how I toilet trained her. She was in Daycare at the time, and was totally toilet trained there. As soon as she came home she would pee or poop herself. She would sit on that potty chair forever... in the living room watching Bear in the Big Blue House Potty videos....and do nothing. As soon as her clothes were back on she would go, everytime. Finally, I hauled her little hind parts into the bath tub. I held open a plastic bag and had her take off her own soiled clothes. She screamed, she cried, she did NOT want to touch them. Then I would turn on the water and make her stand and clean herself with a washcloth. She screamed, she cried, but it only took twice before she used the toilet everytime! I guess not dealing with her own waste is still an issue, or she would use toilet paper. It always improves during the summer, because she can't use our pool with dirty hind parts.
She still wants a parade if she uses the bathroom correctly. "Are you soooo proud of me?"
Calgon take me away........