There is one little compound word in the English language that scares me more than all the rest. //////Homeschool\\\\\\. There I said it! I have only actually ever been able to say it outloud once ever, today when Mickey and I discussed it. I'm not scared of actually teaching my kids, I'm pretty sure I can do that. I'm petrified of being home with them all day, everyday, but that is exactly what they need, especially Ellie.
I don't even feel up to going into all the RAD stuff Ellie has done in the past week. She needs way more than we are giving her, and giving up, though sometimes a fantasy, is not an option. So last night, as I laid awake, I came to the conclusion that the one thing that I have dreaded, is exactly what she needs. More time with us and less time with people she can manipulate.
I have an endless list of hopes and fears. A big fear is because she is in Non-Public school. That means that the local school system threw their hands up (did not have a program suitable), and are paying for her to go to a Private Special Needs School. If I pull her out and homeschool her, and we eventually decided to send her back, where will she go? Public school is not an option in our area. Her non-public school has not done such a great job for her either, emotionally or academically.
Now, I need to start working out my plan. At the end of June, Ellie's school is moving 45 minutes away. I'm thinking I will let her go to the new school through the end of the summer. The summer program is more like a camp anyway, unless it would be better to make a clean break in June. I just don't know! At this point school is just a place for Ellie to lie and manipulate as many people as possible in a day. She has yet to finish the first grade and will be 9 in June!!! The kicker is, SHE IS NOT intellectually limited!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
A Pity Party
Right now I am planning, for the first time, a pity party. It will be complete with cake and ice cream, lots of grumbling and sulking. As you know we are all home on Spring Break. Luckily, we had a nice day on Sunday and a nice day today. So we spent both days, outside doing yard work, and getting the place ready for Spring. It is shaping up nice, if I do say so myself.
The pity party is for Matt and Ellie, but especially Matt. They both did a great job helping us on Sunday. It all started this morning, when he had to help clean up the kitchen. He was shocked and appalled that the dishes that did not fit into the dishwasher actually had to be washed, and Mickey decided that he and Ellie were going to do it before I woke up. Ellie washed and Matt dried. He moaned, he complained, it is NOT fair to make him help with the dishes. So, my lovely partner told him that we would no longer be using the dishwasher, and he could wash all the dishes from now on. Hehehe.
Then we get to the yardwork. We have a very small inner backyard, where the pool is. Todays job was to rake the leftover leaves out from around the pool. He moaned, he grumbled, he wanted to play with his friends. Mind you his friends are not even outside yet. Everytime Mickey gave Ellie a direction she burst into tears (Ellie that is). Finally, Mickey had enough and sent them to the outer yard, and told them to just play. Ellie happily jumped on the trampoline, swung on the swing, and even attempted the pogo stick, all the while singing and chattering. Matt stratigically place himself so we could watch him sulk, and sulk, and sulk. Of course we ignored him, which made him come closer so we would be sure to see how pitiful he was. That didn't work, so he stood in the middle of the yard shivering, hoping that I would tell him to go in the house. By now, I had pulled off my jacket from working, and Ellie was asking to take off hers.
He is now standing in the very back of the yard, trying to convince Ellie that we are so mean, as she flits around him and happily climbs a tree. We are the only parents in the world that ask their children to do extra work along with them, on Spring Break. It is bad enough that he has to clean his room, take his clothes to the laundry room, fold his clean clothes, take out the trash, and clean the dog poop. Those are his ONLY chores. He honestly believes that NONE of his friends or any other 11 year old in the world is asked to do soooooo much.
So now we are all inside. Matt is up in his room after being sent to bed. Poor baby, must be so tired from drying dishes this morning! A nap will do him good.
If anyone would like to let Matt and Ellie know how bad they have it, I will give them your reply tonight at the pity party. I might even take pictures!
The pity party is for Matt and Ellie, but especially Matt. They both did a great job helping us on Sunday. It all started this morning, when he had to help clean up the kitchen. He was shocked and appalled that the dishes that did not fit into the dishwasher actually had to be washed, and Mickey decided that he and Ellie were going to do it before I woke up. Ellie washed and Matt dried. He moaned, he complained, it is NOT fair to make him help with the dishes. So, my lovely partner told him that we would no longer be using the dishwasher, and he could wash all the dishes from now on. Hehehe.
Then we get to the yardwork. We have a very small inner backyard, where the pool is. Todays job was to rake the leftover leaves out from around the pool. He moaned, he grumbled, he wanted to play with his friends. Mind you his friends are not even outside yet. Everytime Mickey gave Ellie a direction she burst into tears (Ellie that is). Finally, Mickey had enough and sent them to the outer yard, and told them to just play. Ellie happily jumped on the trampoline, swung on the swing, and even attempted the pogo stick, all the while singing and chattering. Matt stratigically place himself so we could watch him sulk, and sulk, and sulk. Of course we ignored him, which made him come closer so we would be sure to see how pitiful he was. That didn't work, so he stood in the middle of the yard shivering, hoping that I would tell him to go in the house. By now, I had pulled off my jacket from working, and Ellie was asking to take off hers.
He is now standing in the very back of the yard, trying to convince Ellie that we are so mean, as she flits around him and happily climbs a tree. We are the only parents in the world that ask their children to do extra work along with them, on Spring Break. It is bad enough that he has to clean his room, take his clothes to the laundry room, fold his clean clothes, take out the trash, and clean the dog poop. Those are his ONLY chores. He honestly believes that NONE of his friends or any other 11 year old in the world is asked to do soooooo much.
So now we are all inside. Matt is up in his room after being sent to bed. Poor baby, must be so tired from drying dishes this morning! A nap will do him good.
If anyone would like to let Matt and Ellie know how bad they have it, I will give them your reply tonight at the pity party. I might even take pictures!
Friday, April 3, 2009
Spring Break
Spring Break has officially started, 10 minutes ago. Ellie had a half day today, so here we go.... There is always a certain amount of anxiety about going into the 'unknown', of a week with us all home. Hopefully it will go smoothly, but experience tells us differently.
Last night we finally saw our good friends Mary and Cindy after what seems like months. Their son, Marc, is in the P-hosp. We actually met them a few years ago when Matt and Marc were roommates in the hosp. We were only allowed to see the kids for an hour a day, so it was easy to spot another two mom family. We struck up a friendship, and had our first real life friends with a kid just like ours. It is our life line, and not seeing them for a few months has been hard, but they work in the tax industry.
Last night Cindy fixed an awesome dinner! She grilled marinated steaks, made baked potatoes, sauteed zucchini with tomatoes, salad, and fresh fruit. I'm going to get mileage off of this dinner for a long time, in my memory.... Cindy is an incredible Chef. We love it when she comes to our house and plays Iron Chef. She can pull random items from our fridge, freezer, and cabinets and make a gourmet meal!
The kids are usually good there and last night was no exception. They have both stayed overnight with M and C on various occasions. They know that they run their house just like ours, manipulations won't work. We love that! Both have been punished there, by us, and nobody is going to save them or feel sorry for them. We refuse to not go over to see our friends or leave because one of the kids is acting out. One or the other might be sitting at our feet, but nobody bats an eye. It feels like this has been an extra long tax season, and we have really missed having our friends!
So being at the Domestic Diva's house last night has re-inspired me to pull this place together. I must say outloud though that I did see one very tiny pile in her dining room! She's making new curtains, and had the material neatly folded...but it was still a pile in my opinion! I was supposed to have two rooms totally complete before Spring Break. I have been making progress. I actually even went out earlier in the week and cleaned out my front garden beds. I had one flower blooming, that I accidently pulled out, oops. The dining room is cleared out, but I do need to finish painting. There are no remains of my e-bay business, which is a huge accomplishment!
I have two hours before Matt is home. Maybe Spring break can officially start then!
Last night we finally saw our good friends Mary and Cindy after what seems like months. Their son, Marc, is in the P-hosp. We actually met them a few years ago when Matt and Marc were roommates in the hosp. We were only allowed to see the kids for an hour a day, so it was easy to spot another two mom family. We struck up a friendship, and had our first real life friends with a kid just like ours. It is our life line, and not seeing them for a few months has been hard, but they work in the tax industry.
Last night Cindy fixed an awesome dinner! She grilled marinated steaks, made baked potatoes, sauteed zucchini with tomatoes, salad, and fresh fruit. I'm going to get mileage off of this dinner for a long time, in my memory.... Cindy is an incredible Chef. We love it when she comes to our house and plays Iron Chef. She can pull random items from our fridge, freezer, and cabinets and make a gourmet meal!
The kids are usually good there and last night was no exception. They have both stayed overnight with M and C on various occasions. They know that they run their house just like ours, manipulations won't work. We love that! Both have been punished there, by us, and nobody is going to save them or feel sorry for them. We refuse to not go over to see our friends or leave because one of the kids is acting out. One or the other might be sitting at our feet, but nobody bats an eye. It feels like this has been an extra long tax season, and we have really missed having our friends!
So being at the Domestic Diva's house last night has re-inspired me to pull this place together. I must say outloud though that I did see one very tiny pile in her dining room! She's making new curtains, and had the material neatly folded...but it was still a pile in my opinion! I was supposed to have two rooms totally complete before Spring Break. I have been making progress. I actually even went out earlier in the week and cleaned out my front garden beds. I had one flower blooming, that I accidently pulled out, oops. The dining room is cleared out, but I do need to finish painting. There are no remains of my e-bay business, which is a huge accomplishment!
I have two hours before Matt is home. Maybe Spring break can officially start then!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Simplicity
In January, Ellie started her distructive rampage. She had already been moved into a smaller bedroom, and didn't have furniture, other than her bed. About 3 1/2 years ago, when Ashleigh moved in and we were a bedroom short, Mickey put up walls to split the largest bedroom. Matt and Ellie each got the split rooms. They had already both ruined dressers, so we took them out. We put up hanging sweater organizers, and only gave them five days of clothes at a time. They each got three cubes, for books, toys, and shoes. We also kept the closet locked, so they couldn't get to the other clothes and destroy them, or pee in the closet. They could only have the books that would fit in the bin, and only the toys that fit in the other, (Ellie currently hasn't earned her toys back).
After Ellie decided to rip off her wallpaper and write curse words on the wall, she lost her room. She slept on the playroom floor until she could paint over the curse words, because I wouldn't let her continue to be in there. Mickey decided to move Matt into the other empty bedroom. He now has a big room with a bed, dresser, desk, armoire, armchair, and a few bins of toys. We moved Ellie into Matt's old room. I got it painted and set up, and so far so good! She really disliked painting over the curse words in her old room. Probably because I gave her a 1" paint brush to paint a 3' x 5' area! Here's what her new room looks like.
Before she decided to destroy everything, she had a really cute room, with a Safari theme. She loves wild animals, so she had a woven grass look wallpaper with safari animal borders. I made the window shade, which also has animals on it. She had a safari comforter, it was so cute!
This is her fourth bedroom. The first two were like fairytale rooms. She had her toys, little kitchen set, tv with tapes. She had a cute princess rug (that she dumped printer ink on), and a nice long dresser (that she wrote on and stood on like a stage). I tried really hard to make her last room cozy and comfortable. Now I'm done with cute for her. I'm sad that our little girl can't handle nice things, but maybe in time.
Well now Matt is home, he has a half day every Wednesday. I'm hearing every single April's Fools gag that was pulled in his all boys fifth grade class! Those poor teachers!!!!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I have exactly 40 minutes until the door bursts open and the sounds of my precious children fill the house. My name will be said 27 times in the first ten minutes. I will have countless papers thrust under my nose, even though they know it has to be across the room for me to read it, unless I have on my glasses! I am never ready for the first 10 minutes, I wish I was. There is something unsettling to me about going from 0-60 in a second. Maybe, I enjoy my chaos free days too much. Bad selfish Mommy!
Our kids had Maryland State Assessments last week in school. Matt is as much on grade level as one can be with an adapted curriculum. He has been told repeatedly by his school social worker how smart he is (the leader of the class), but the problem is, he believes he is and needs to be perfect. He does well, but because he argues with me when I correct his homework ("that's not the way my teacher showed me"), and is reduced to tears when he makes an error, I avoid feeding into his academic perceptions of himself. We just deal with the facts. I guess the fifth grade test was more difficult then he thought it should be. His anxiety was through the roof all week and he reverted back to stealing other kids toys.
Ellie took the test for the first time this year. Chronologically, she should be in the third grade, thus was given the third grade test as per State guidelines. The only problem is she is working on a first grade level! In addition her teacher was out all week! She was beyond a mess!! I did feel sorry for her, she couldn't help but be frustrated. Am I wrong to think that my kids were abused by the State last week?
I have been slowly knocking out little projects in the house. We do not have one room in our house all the way completed. Though I blame Mickey, most of it is my fault. I get bored and leave a wall half unpainted (the kids play room, office, dining room, and kitchen!). I bought a pattern and material to make both kids bathrobes. I finished Matt's and Ellie's lays here almost done! You get the picture. To my credit, last week I completely painted (oops, except for all of the trim) the kids rooms. I did finish the trim in the upstairs hallway and stairs. My goal is to have two rooms completely completed by Spring Break. Wish me luck!
My objective in life has always been to be more organized. I am better, because I have to be, but there is definitely room for improvement. My friend Mary is a domestic diva. I hate her. Her house is always spotless, she never has a dish in the sink, her laundry is always done, there isn't so much as a piece of mail in sight. Her kids clothes are always changed over for the seasons weeks before mine are, and she has gotten rid of what doesn't fit! Her yard is spotless as well, she finds time to plant and tend to flowers. Her pool is opened or closed weeks before ours, etc, etc, etc!!! Okay, I'm not type A, at all. I do know how to manage my daily chores, sort of, but adding in cleaning windows, changing clothes over, planting flowers???
Now my darlings are home. Matt has managed to thrust 4 papers at me plus a prescription. Gotta love having the P-Doc at school! So now the games begin....
Our kids had Maryland State Assessments last week in school. Matt is as much on grade level as one can be with an adapted curriculum. He has been told repeatedly by his school social worker how smart he is (the leader of the class), but the problem is, he believes he is and needs to be perfect. He does well, but because he argues with me when I correct his homework ("that's not the way my teacher showed me"), and is reduced to tears when he makes an error, I avoid feeding into his academic perceptions of himself. We just deal with the facts. I guess the fifth grade test was more difficult then he thought it should be. His anxiety was through the roof all week and he reverted back to stealing other kids toys.
Ellie took the test for the first time this year. Chronologically, she should be in the third grade, thus was given the third grade test as per State guidelines. The only problem is she is working on a first grade level! In addition her teacher was out all week! She was beyond a mess!! I did feel sorry for her, she couldn't help but be frustrated. Am I wrong to think that my kids were abused by the State last week?
I have been slowly knocking out little projects in the house. We do not have one room in our house all the way completed. Though I blame Mickey, most of it is my fault. I get bored and leave a wall half unpainted (the kids play room, office, dining room, and kitchen!). I bought a pattern and material to make both kids bathrobes. I finished Matt's and Ellie's lays here almost done! You get the picture. To my credit, last week I completely painted (oops, except for all of the trim) the kids rooms. I did finish the trim in the upstairs hallway and stairs. My goal is to have two rooms completely completed by Spring Break. Wish me luck!
My objective in life has always been to be more organized. I am better, because I have to be, but there is definitely room for improvement. My friend Mary is a domestic diva. I hate her. Her house is always spotless, she never has a dish in the sink, her laundry is always done, there isn't so much as a piece of mail in sight. Her kids clothes are always changed over for the seasons weeks before mine are, and she has gotten rid of what doesn't fit! Her yard is spotless as well, she finds time to plant and tend to flowers. Her pool is opened or closed weeks before ours, etc, etc, etc!!! Okay, I'm not type A, at all. I do know how to manage my daily chores, sort of, but adding in cleaning windows, changing clothes over, planting flowers???
Now my darlings are home. Matt has managed to thrust 4 papers at me plus a prescription. Gotta love having the P-Doc at school! So now the games begin....
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Drama
We had a terrible therapy session tonight. All of Mickey's buttons were pushed by Ellie, again. Ellie went to school a few weeks ago and told someone that Mickey hit her in the head. The therapist called to find out if it was true. Of course it wasn't, and we were believed. This is the first time that she has claimed abuse, but honestly we have just been waiting for it to happen. I have said for years that I need to have paperwork together for the day CPS shows up at our door. She used to have such screaming fits that we would go outside on the porch so the neighbors wouldn't think we were beating her to death. The new AT was great tonight and said that we could give anyone his phone number and he would confirm that she lies and is in treatment. He said that he has dealt with this issue before, and it is always dropped.
Tonight in therapy Ellie told us that she was taken to the principal's office and she told her that Mommy had hit her in the head. Mickey used to work at this school, and she has seen people lose their jobs because of unfounded accusations. Her greatest fear is that, as the only bread winner in the family she will be investagated and lose her job at her current school. Unfortunately she has also said this in front of Ellie and Matt. Now I'm worried because her knowing is just like giving her a loaded gun----yikes!!
This kid is so complicated. She has never gone a day in her life without crying. It is almost never real, but incredibly annoying. As long as nothing is asked or expected of her she is great. The minute she needs to take responsibility, everything becomes a battle. She is the queen of passive-aggressive behaviors. She will complete half a task and swear she did it all. She will even list the steps that she did them. The rules in our house have not changed in 5 years, yet she 'forgets'. She will take an hour to do her homework incorrectly that she can do in 10 minutes correctly. She is manipulating the Aides in her classroom (she can't get over on her teacher) AND her teacher is out all week. Whenever she comes home with a perfect pointsheet, instead of feeling proud, I wonder who she got over on.
In some ways I am still mourning that we have not gotten further after 6 1/2 years. I really want to enjoy my daughter! We are finally really enjoying Matt, he has healed so much. He gives hugs when he gets up in the morning, when he gets home from school, and just because. He now spontaneously appologizes for his behavior, even when he has not had a consequence. He thanks us for simple things. He is asking to spend time with us appropriately.
We totally can not parent Ellie the same way we parent Matt. We have been doing a lot of feeling work with both of them. We sort of hijacked the format for J.'s blog and are having them journal every night. Matt hates it but has been a trooper about being honest. Ellie not so much. We are trying so hard to do the right things for her, but she is fighting us tooth and nail. She came home to me 5 days before her 2nd birthday. It still baffles my mind that she can still be so screwed up. She has never missed a meal in 6 1/2 years, yet still believes that she will not eat again. She desperately wants to be a baby, and have no responsibility. She was a baby when I got her. I changed her diapers, bathed her, put a bib on her and fed her chopped food. I gave her a bottle every night as she fell asleep on my chest. I toilet trained her (that was a trip!). For a year and a half after she was toilet trained I still wiped her little hynie. For the last few years she has refused to use toilet paper. Finally, a month ago she got an UTI, it was only a matter of time. We talked about natural consequences, the Peditrician talked to her about natural consequences. Guess who still refuses to wipe herself or flush the toilet? I know, I know never care more about your child's issues more than she does, but I am still a parent (plus I have to soak those nasty panties). We tried to have her do the panties, but honestly it is a royal pain to have her do it.
Okay, I hear you talking to me, unless it is that damn voice in my head again... I'll have her soak the panties. Really that is how I toilet trained her. She was in Daycare at the time, and was totally toilet trained there. As soon as she came home she would pee or poop herself. She would sit on that potty chair forever... in the living room watching Bear in the Big Blue House Potty videos....and do nothing. As soon as her clothes were back on she would go, everytime. Finally, I hauled her little hind parts into the bath tub. I held open a plastic bag and had her take off her own soiled clothes. She screamed, she cried, she did NOT want to touch them. Then I would turn on the water and make her stand and clean herself with a washcloth. She screamed, she cried, but it only took twice before she used the toilet everytime! I guess not dealing with her own waste is still an issue, or she would use toilet paper. It always improves during the summer, because she can't use our pool with dirty hind parts.
She still wants a parade if she uses the bathroom correctly. "Are you soooo proud of me?"
Calgon take me away........
Tonight in therapy Ellie told us that she was taken to the principal's office and she told her that Mommy had hit her in the head. Mickey used to work at this school, and she has seen people lose their jobs because of unfounded accusations. Her greatest fear is that, as the only bread winner in the family she will be investagated and lose her job at her current school. Unfortunately she has also said this in front of Ellie and Matt. Now I'm worried because her knowing is just like giving her a loaded gun----yikes!!
This kid is so complicated. She has never gone a day in her life without crying. It is almost never real, but incredibly annoying. As long as nothing is asked or expected of her she is great. The minute she needs to take responsibility, everything becomes a battle. She is the queen of passive-aggressive behaviors. She will complete half a task and swear she did it all. She will even list the steps that she did them. The rules in our house have not changed in 5 years, yet she 'forgets'. She will take an hour to do her homework incorrectly that she can do in 10 minutes correctly. She is manipulating the Aides in her classroom (she can't get over on her teacher) AND her teacher is out all week. Whenever she comes home with a perfect pointsheet, instead of feeling proud, I wonder who she got over on.
In some ways I am still mourning that we have not gotten further after 6 1/2 years. I really want to enjoy my daughter! We are finally really enjoying Matt, he has healed so much. He gives hugs when he gets up in the morning, when he gets home from school, and just because. He now spontaneously appologizes for his behavior, even when he has not had a consequence. He thanks us for simple things. He is asking to spend time with us appropriately.
We totally can not parent Ellie the same way we parent Matt. We have been doing a lot of feeling work with both of them. We sort of hijacked the format for J.'s blog and are having them journal every night. Matt hates it but has been a trooper about being honest. Ellie not so much. We are trying so hard to do the right things for her, but she is fighting us tooth and nail. She came home to me 5 days before her 2nd birthday. It still baffles my mind that she can still be so screwed up. She has never missed a meal in 6 1/2 years, yet still believes that she will not eat again. She desperately wants to be a baby, and have no responsibility. She was a baby when I got her. I changed her diapers, bathed her, put a bib on her and fed her chopped food. I gave her a bottle every night as she fell asleep on my chest. I toilet trained her (that was a trip!). For a year and a half after she was toilet trained I still wiped her little hynie. For the last few years she has refused to use toilet paper. Finally, a month ago she got an UTI, it was only a matter of time. We talked about natural consequences, the Peditrician talked to her about natural consequences. Guess who still refuses to wipe herself or flush the toilet? I know, I know never care more about your child's issues more than she does, but I am still a parent (plus I have to soak those nasty panties). We tried to have her do the panties, but honestly it is a royal pain to have her do it.
Okay, I hear you talking to me, unless it is that damn voice in my head again... I'll have her soak the panties. Really that is how I toilet trained her. She was in Daycare at the time, and was totally toilet trained there. As soon as she came home she would pee or poop herself. She would sit on that potty chair forever... in the living room watching Bear in the Big Blue House Potty videos....and do nothing. As soon as her clothes were back on she would go, everytime. Finally, I hauled her little hind parts into the bath tub. I held open a plastic bag and had her take off her own soiled clothes. She screamed, she cried, she did NOT want to touch them. Then I would turn on the water and make her stand and clean herself with a washcloth. She screamed, she cried, but it only took twice before she used the toilet everytime! I guess not dealing with her own waste is still an issue, or she would use toilet paper. It always improves during the summer, because she can't use our pool with dirty hind parts.
She still wants a parade if she uses the bathroom correctly. "Are you soooo proud of me?"
Calgon take me away........
Monday, March 16, 2009
Blogging
I am finally ready to begin, I think.
We are a two mom family, in our early 40's. We have four children, ages 8-21. We took Ashleigh in when she was 18, and still a Sr. in HS. She was in special needs school because of severe anxiety and depression, intellectually she is a genius. She has a full time job and her own apartment. Lee has never lived with us full time. He was a 15 year old teenager living in a group home, when he started coming home with us for holidays. That turned into weekends, various nights of the week etc. He now is ready to transition out of independent living, and will probably end up here since he can't afford an apartment on his own.
That brings us to the 11 and 8 year olds. Matt and Ellie are biological brother and sister. Before my partner, Mickey and I met, I was fostering Ellie and she had Matt. Ellie was 2 years old at the time, and I didn't want her to forget her brother. The worker did not arrange visits and did not give us any other information about the other child. We met in court, and exchanged information. The first sibling visit was a disaster for Matt. He had been very parentified, and expected Ellie to still be a baby who would sit and watch him play. Ellie was a curious toddler, who did not seem to remember Matt, and barely looked at him. A week later he threatened to kill Mickey in her sleep, and had his first Psych Hospitalization.
We waited 6 more months before scheduling another visit, and began sibling therapy. A few months after that, Mickey bought the house across the street from me. Eventually we got together, and I sold my house and moved across the street. I tell you more about us later.
Ellie and Matt were both diagnosed with ADHD and Mood d/o NOS. It wasn't until Ellie's first hospitalization at age 4 that we got the RAD diagnosis. Finally everything began to make sense!
**Cue large light bulb going off**
She loved the Hospital, and didn't want to have anything to do with us. She loved new staff coming in every 8 hours, activities all day, and being the 'pet' of the unit. Thankfully the P-doc, was able to identify RAD, and thus began the dance of two steps forward and one step back, that is RAD. Matt was diagnosed later that year.
Both kids attend non-public school for ED issues. Matt is on grade level, but Ellie is two years behind. If you put them side by side we have the poster children for RAD, El being 'disinhibited' and Matt fitting the characteristics of 'inhibited'. It is great fun!!
Our family also consists of two dogs and two cats. Our one dog has diabetes and gets insulin injections twice a day.
Before kids, I was an occupational therapist in the school system, now I am a stay at home Mom. Mickey teaches special needs teenagers construction. We thought we were prepared to parent special needs kids. Ha ha, roll on the floor laughing. We are best friends, and depend on each other to keep us sane. We actually have a deal that only one of us can lose it at a time. So far that has worked. We learned early on the techniques to not be 'split' or triangulated, and work to always be on the same page.
We just started with a new therapist, who specializes in RAD. We really like him and are hoping he will help us, especially with Ellie.
This is probably enough for my introduction. I'm glad I am going to have at least two followers. Thanks Dia and Grateful for encouraging me to begin!
We are a two mom family, in our early 40's. We have four children, ages 8-21. We took Ashleigh in when she was 18, and still a Sr. in HS. She was in special needs school because of severe anxiety and depression, intellectually she is a genius. She has a full time job and her own apartment. Lee has never lived with us full time. He was a 15 year old teenager living in a group home, when he started coming home with us for holidays. That turned into weekends, various nights of the week etc. He now is ready to transition out of independent living, and will probably end up here since he can't afford an apartment on his own.
That brings us to the 11 and 8 year olds. Matt and Ellie are biological brother and sister. Before my partner, Mickey and I met, I was fostering Ellie and she had Matt. Ellie was 2 years old at the time, and I didn't want her to forget her brother. The worker did not arrange visits and did not give us any other information about the other child. We met in court, and exchanged information. The first sibling visit was a disaster for Matt. He had been very parentified, and expected Ellie to still be a baby who would sit and watch him play. Ellie was a curious toddler, who did not seem to remember Matt, and barely looked at him. A week later he threatened to kill Mickey in her sleep, and had his first Psych Hospitalization.
We waited 6 more months before scheduling another visit, and began sibling therapy. A few months after that, Mickey bought the house across the street from me. Eventually we got together, and I sold my house and moved across the street. I tell you more about us later.
Ellie and Matt were both diagnosed with ADHD and Mood d/o NOS. It wasn't until Ellie's first hospitalization at age 4 that we got the RAD diagnosis. Finally everything began to make sense!
**Cue large light bulb going off**
She loved the Hospital, and didn't want to have anything to do with us. She loved new staff coming in every 8 hours, activities all day, and being the 'pet' of the unit. Thankfully the P-doc, was able to identify RAD, and thus began the dance of two steps forward and one step back, that is RAD. Matt was diagnosed later that year.
Both kids attend non-public school for ED issues. Matt is on grade level, but Ellie is two years behind. If you put them side by side we have the poster children for RAD, El being 'disinhibited' and Matt fitting the characteristics of 'inhibited'. It is great fun!!
Our family also consists of two dogs and two cats. Our one dog has diabetes and gets insulin injections twice a day.
Before kids, I was an occupational therapist in the school system, now I am a stay at home Mom. Mickey teaches special needs teenagers construction. We thought we were prepared to parent special needs kids. Ha ha, roll on the floor laughing. We are best friends, and depend on each other to keep us sane. We actually have a deal that only one of us can lose it at a time. So far that has worked. We learned early on the techniques to not be 'split' or triangulated, and work to always be on the same page.
We just started with a new therapist, who specializes in RAD. We really like him and are hoping he will help us, especially with Ellie.
This is probably enough for my introduction. I'm glad I am going to have at least two followers. Thanks Dia and Grateful for encouraging me to begin!
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